Full-Time Training - Testimonies

It's not for Me, R.K.

It seems that whenever I recall my attitude toward the Full-Time Training in Anaheim (FTTA), four specific words come to mind: “It's not for me.” This was my motto during my junior and senior years of college. I had already decided to go to graduate school and had already taken all of the necessary measures.

The Lord, however, knew my real need and was working slowly but surely in my being and environment. Though things were being completed as planned the assurance concerning my plans was diminishing. At one time I did, for a split second, entertain the thought that it might be the Lord's speaking to go to the Training, but quietly dismissed the thought. I thought the Training was just a way to avoid the real world and graduate school. But the more I fought this feeling, the more the uneasiness set in.

Meanwhile, the Lord was intensely working in my outward circumstances. The more my life became chaotic, the more the Lord reminded me about the Training. At the same time, the more I gave this thought room, though still very hesitantly, the more peace was returning to my being. Through a period of struggling, I began to realize that this was the Lord's speaking and not just my own thoughts. All of my circumstances were exposing the state of my inward being and my desperate need to be restored. I knew that I could not continue to fight what I desperately needed, which was just God. The speaking within me, from the beginning, was the Lord and not my mind. Before I knew what I needed, the Lord really knew what I needed.

I set my hopes on a lot of things with the expectation of certain results. But they all ultimately end in disappointment. But the FTTA has definitely not disappointed me. Since the Lord is here with His perfect life, nothing comes short of full satisfaction for me. So I realized the Training is for me because of my basic need.

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